Coming out of a period of living in survival mode is often met with a big wave of deep fatigue. The kind of fatigue that no amount of sleep seems to chip away at it. As the body lets go and adrenaline stops flowing through us we enter into a state of rest and digest. Our parasympathetic nervous system switches on and the body can start the big process of regulating and repairing.
When someone initially starts paying back their 'sleep-debt' they almost always feel more tired overall as their bodies move from their previous edgy 'up' adrenalised state into one that is more relaxed. This is the moment of healing that freaks most people out and they begin to question why they are so tired and start to fight this unfamilair feeling.
But what if we reframed this “tiredness” as a sign that the body finally feels safe enough, and has space enough to relax and let go of all of the things it’s had to hold onto whilst living in fight or flight just trying to make it through whatever challenging time you were navigating.
This space and tired feeling would then mean that your system is going into a deep healing process that you will soon come out of in much better health than you were before.
For someone who has been in survival for a while this unfamiliar feeling can be overwhelming, like suddenly living in a foreign body. The person can often then search for ways to keep the familiar adrenaline feeling flowing, fighting against what the body is asking for. This can be habits like consuming caffeine or stimulating food and drink, keeping busy doing things or working all hours, filling any down time with social events or people so that they don’t have to sit in the foreign sensation they are experiencing.
This may sound bizarre. Why would anyone fight sleep? The simple answer is we get used to certain ways of living and being and the mind struggles with the big difference in what it feels like to be in survival vs rest and digest. They panic and desperately search for any means that allows them to stay in the familiar.
This loop of moving from living in survival to then fighting the body when it goes into rest and digest then continues, and can continue for years until one recognises what’s happening.
I know this not only from my years of study on trauma, addictions, chronic illness and how cortisol works in the body but from my own experience. I spent years in this cycle. And it has now hit me again as the memories of the last year fade away and my body now has the space to let go and rest.
I spoke to a friend recently and I kept repeating the words “this feels foreign”. This, referring to the calmness, the quietness, the needing multiple naps and finally sleeping through the night. Of finally having space in my mind now that it doesn’t have major surgery to survive or severe pain searing through my body 24/7.
In the past my first urge was to fight the weird feelings of being relaxed and tired. I tried to do “more”. More breathwork and ice baths to “wake up”, more cacao or tea or coffee for the “boost”. More yoga, more healing appointments in my calendar, more cleansing. All this “more” so that I could control how I feel. So that I feel in control of my healing and my life and how I want it to go.
When we have been navigating grief, trauma, or challenging times for a long time we get used to the whirlwind, to surviving, we become SO good at it that we don’t know how to just be. It can feel uncomfortable to welcome this rest in. To let go of control and allow our bodies to rest and repair. The mind feels it knows best when in reality the body knows exactly what to do when we let it be.
This uncomfortableness is whats overwhelming. But it’s also the first sign that you are finally in a place for deep healing to occur. Because we cannot heal whilst in survival. We only begin to heal once we enter a state of rest and digest.
So if your feeling tired, or resting more and you start to notice thoughts coming up to fight it, telling yourself it’s wrong to be so tired or to rest lots, ask yourself is this simply my body coming out of a tough time, the nervous system finally regulating and having the space to heal?…and then see if you can allow yourself a few days to honour that need of rest and sink into the foreignness of it all, allowing it to consume you and pull you into a deep rest and healing period. Remind yourself that it is ok to rest, it’s not a right that has to be earned. Your body needs that rest and the sooner you give yourself that gift the sooner the body can do what it needs to do to repair and regulate all the wonderful inner workings we constantly have going on.
What if the real break through was just on the other side of this allowing rather than in all the active “doing” in order to heal?
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